The Salmon Spewing Seeker!
by HyperKat
Summary: Critics are calling it…. “Retarded!” & “Five Salmons Way-Way-Up!” & “Hey, where’s my thong?!”...just read it ^^;


The Salmon Spewing Seeker  
  
Critics are calling it.. "Retarded!" & "Five Salmons Way-Way-Up!" & "Hey, where's my thong?!"  
  
Critic #1- It's retarded!  
  
Critic #2- I give it 5 salmons way-way-up!  
  
Critic #3- Hey, where's my thong?!  
  
*blink,blink* ..yeah.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Heya! Well, I was updating all my stories (haven't put them up yet, tho)) and I thought up the name.. "The Broom Whacking Whackster!" which somehow led me to... "THE SALMON SPEWING SEEKER!" Mwahahahahaha...!!!!!  
  
Lee- Its gonna be amazing, baby!  
  
0.o *snickers* "BABY?" *mockingly*  
  
Lee- Uh..yeah?  
  
Hahahahahaha.whew, thanks man. Haven't laughed like that in a long time!  
  
Lee- Whats so funny?  
  
You thought I was ACTUALLY going out with you.HA! I was just using you to get to Andre!  
  
Lee- Uhm.Who?  
  
But now that Ive got him, I'm through with you!  
  
*walks away*  
  
Lee- :-o  
  
Crickets Chirp.  
  
Lee- I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Salmon Spewing Seeker  
  
Chapter One- "Awards"  
  
*We find our favorite characters at the uh.."Awards" ceremony. *cough**  
  
Dumbledor-Yoyoyo, home-diggy-G-dogg! An Sh-welcome to da foist annual Hogwarts *hiccup* awardssssshhhhhh...  
  
McGonnagal- Ah, yesh. The wondersh of awardsh! You know...I tried all night to think of a pun involving tuna fish..mushtard..and a can opener..and I think Ive finally found one. When making tuna fish with mushtard and ushe of a can opener, alwaysh "poke" the opponentsh!  
  
*The audience breaks out in laughter, though the uh. "pun" made no sense.*  
  
McGonnagal- But on a more sherioush note, BRUSH YOUR TEETH! ACK!!!  
  
*The audience breaks out, again, in an uproar of laughter.*  
  
Harry-Hehehe.this is fuuuuunny!.  
  
*Ron and Hermione stare at him blankly.*  
  
Ron- How about..we push him..over a CLIFF!  
  
Hermione- How about..We steal his clothes to auction on the internet, and THEN push him over a cliff!  
  
*They high-five each other and glare hungrily at Harry*  
  
Dumbledor- My bra has been missing for daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays now.has anyone seen it?  
  
Draco Malfoy walks by, flaunting a large D Cup push up bra..  
  
Everyone-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Dumbeldor- HAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
McGonnagol-Whew.shesh shosh!!!  
  
Dumbledor- FU FING FER!  
  
Everyone- *gasps* OMG!  
  
Hermione- BUT THAT'S WHAT FLUFFY'S GUARDING. THAT'S WHATS UNDER THE TRAP DOOR! THAT'S WHAT SNAPE WANTS! THE SORCERERS STOOOOOONE!  
  
Harry- Haha, you are sooooooooooooo...  
  
*the next day*  
  
Harry-oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.*gasps for air* first book!  
  
Everyone- HAHAHAHA!  
  
Fred- We did it, George! We FINALLY created a potion that gets the ENTIRE school high!  
  
George- x.x  
  
Fred- O.o Geooooorge?  
  
George- x.x...flatulence..is funny.  
  
Fred- NO! WHO KILLED GEORGE??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Hermione- *raises her hand*  
  
Fred- NOT NOW, HERMIONE!! IM TRYIN TO FIND OUT WHO KILLED GEORGE!!!!!!  
  
Hermione- But it was m-  
  
Fred- I SAID NOT NOW!!!  
  
Hermione- *bursts out into tears* DAMN MY RAGING HORMONES! DAMN THEM TO HEEEELL!!!!!!  
  
Fred- HARRY!  
  
Harry- Where?? I like eggs!  
  
Fred-It happens.WHERE IS THE KILLER?!  
  
Harry points at Hermione.  
  
Fred- FORGET HERMIONE!!!!!!!  
  
Harry-But.  
  
Fred- NO! WE MUST FIND THE KILLER.YOU MUST TURN INTO...THE SALMON SPEWING SEEKER!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry- Uhm..  
  
Fred strips off Harry's clothes.  
  
Harry- ACK!!!!!  
  
Everyone- O.O oooooh...  
  
Fred puts a leather jumpsuit on Harry.  
  
Fred- You are now.the salmon spewing seeker. *hands him a salmon*  
  
Harry-oooooh.  
  
Fred- NOW..FIND OUT WHO KILLED GEORGE!!!!!!!!  
  
Harry throws the fish at Hermione.  
  
Fred- Nice try, Harry, but this time I want you to throw the fish at the *killer*...  
  
Harry, again, throws the fish at Hermione.  
  
Fred- YOU...my dear boy, need some practice.  
  
Harry-Awww...Im a dear boy?  
  
Fred- Yes. Now..  
  
Snape- I FORBID THIS!  
  
Fred- BUT YOUR GREASY! Snape- Ah. Carry on, then.  
  
Fred- It happens..  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
SO whatcha think so far? Ive wrote other humor stories, but this one has basically no plot..hehehe.I LIKE IT!!!  
  
Lee- *whimper*...WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?!  
  
Ugh, because, man.IVE got SISQO, now!!!  
  
Sisqo- Yea, dude..why would she choose you over me, eh?  
  
Lee- B-b-but..  
  
Yeah, man.Sisqo is my hot and sexy man beast of thong song pleasure!!!!  
  
Sisqo- Lets snog..  
  
Alright!!! *they ride off into the sunset*  
  
Lee-.....okay, that is SO not cool....  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


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